Healing or Destructive Relationship? Jeshua: In a healing relationship, it is natural to miss each other if in one way or another you would be separated. It is natural to enjoy and therefore long for each other’s company. You may want the other, but you do not need the other. But in a destructive relationship, there is something malignant at work. There is a feeling that you cannot do or be without the other, that you are dependent upon them for your well-being – maybe your very life! – and this substantially weakens you. There is a deep fear of possible rejection by the other, and that makes you feel small and constricted, and the whole relationship no longer has that joyful spaciousness and freedom it had in the beginning.
I am Jeshua. I greet you all sincerely. I am here with a full heart. I want to share with you, for you are my brothers and sisters and I feel a deep kinship with you. I am neither more nor higher than you, we are one.
We embarked together to plant the seed of the Christ energy on Earth, a seed that over time would slowly grow and blossom into a fully mature flower. This time on Earth is one of completion of that journey. It is a time in which many seedlings begin to develop, and in many ways you are the budding flowers. Together we form a unit, a collective of souls who dedicate themselves to the birth of a new awareness. So see me no longer as a master who stands above you, but as a friend who holds you by the hand and wants to share his love with you, because I do deeply love you all.
You have an intense desire for love. You seek it in relationships with others, and also through a connection with the divine. But truly, what you are craving for lies within yourself; it is your own divine nature, the part of you that is one with unconditional love and joy. When you experience this part of you, it feels like coming home. Everything else in your life becomes easy, light, and joyful. You are at one within yourself and you do not need anything outside yourself to make you feel good. You are a unity unto yourself – and yet you feel connected with everything else in a deep and intimate way.
What is paradoxical about relationships is that you can only be intimately connected with another person if you are able to embrace the oneness within yourself. If you are ready to accept yourself, with the burdens from the past, with your highs and lows – then there is space for another person with his or her unique individuality. Then you are no longer using another person in order to come Home. Instead, you share the Home you carry within your heart with that other person. This type of relationship becomes a celebrating together, a sharing, and that is a healing relationship, whether it be with a partner, a friend, or a child; it makes no essential difference. However, love relationships – partner relationships – are the relationships that call up the most in you. They touch you profoundly and stir up deep emotions, because they seem to hold the promise of coming Home like no other relationship does.
Before I talk about love relationships, I would like to remind you that the Home you long for, that original unity from which you were born as a soul, is not far away. You can say that in the realm of time it was extremely long ago that you took your leave, symbolically speaking, ofParadise. That you went on your own path as a “soul in body” and chose a certain form in which to manifest yourself and undergo experiences and visit different places in the universe.
When you were born as an individual soul and undertook your journey, you relinquished that primal unity, which you can imagine as a warm blanket of love and light that was so familiar to you. A unity where you always felt the secure presence of a Father-Mother-God, and so you were never afraid of being alone or rejected. These “negative” concepts were not even in your understanding, and yet an archetypal power was at work in God that birthed you out of the womb of this Father-Mother-God oneness.
What was the purpose of that birthing? So you all could become independent gods! So you yourselves could become the starting point of a Father-Mother-God source of warmth and love from which an infinity of beings are created and emerge. But the farewell you bid in the beginning came to you as a shock. You realized that with this separation from oneness came the knowledge that in order to truly experience the process of evolvement, you could not know anything in advance. You realized you could only separate from that primal unity by going entirely your own way as an individual soul, who for the first time becomes acquainted with the fear and desolation and darkness of not-knowing and not-understanding.
You still carry that original experience of desolation and solitude, which may arise very strongly in the arena of love relationships. But before I address those relationships, I would like to remind you that you have the possibility to experience that primal connection at any time. When you go into dreamless sleep, you leave your body and connect with the deepest source from which you came, with God, if you want to call it that, or with the deepest core in yourself: that part of you that never left Paradise and is still there. Although you left there billions of years ago, the oneness is still within you; it is an inalienable part of your consciousness. At night, if your mind is not too active and you surrender to sleep and to the non-physical realms that you enter, then, as you leave your body, you take in that Source and so refresh yourself. Also in your daily life, you can make the connection with this reality of the divine spirit, of which you are an intimate part. By becoming very still, you can feel that presence here and now. I invite you to feel how together, as one, we all constitute part of that original face of God.
Imagine that in the middle of your chest, in your heart chakra, is a bright, beautiful crystal. Imagine it there and feel its power: a pure, clear crystal in which all facets simultaneously reflect your many experiences. This heart-crystal is also connected with everything around you. The feelings you receive from others can be reflected by this crystal, and so by receiving their moods and emotions through this crystal, you come to understand others. From this heart-crystal, you understand the experiences of others: their pain and disappointments are clear to you.
This heart-crystal is connected to the hearts of all other living beings, because we all are one. And yet you can also feel that this heart, which you carry in your chest, belongs to you: it is your soul-heart. Feel how both aspects go together. You are connected on the level of the heart – a horizontal field that connects you with everything alive – so there is no separation as we all are one. Yet you are also “one”, meaning that you are you, and no one else is exactly like you. You are an individual being and there is a vertical line which connects you directly to your Source, to God. You are in this physical body, which is the bearer of your heart, your own piece of God consciousness.
Feel the vastness of this crystal: the infinite consciousness that belongs to you and yet can go wherever it wants. It is not tied to this body, although it is in this body now, temporarily, but it is such a vast energy that ultimately it is not bound to any form. You are this consciousness; you have brought a piece of the divine fabric of the Father-Mother-God along with you here to Earth. You are whole and complete within yourself, and you are the guardian of this heart-crystal. Remember that, while we now look at the theme of love relationships.
When you fall in love with another person, there is often an intense experience of delight at the beginning of the relationship. It seems as if something gets torn wide open within you, something that was long hidden and can be only unlocked by the look of that other. Other people do not seem to see that “something” within you, but your loved one awakens the naked beauty of who you are. Your passion and your enthusiasm for life return, you feel seen and loved, and you are going to experience your own depth – the wonder of you. That is what you experience in infatuation. And although it seems to be about the other, it is really about you, what the other evokes within you, which is delicious, a miracle! You seem to become awake only then and to feel how much you have to give and how much you can be loved.
At that moment, people usually become intoxicated with the awe and wonder of this infatuation they experience, and they blindly attach themselves to the one who awakened this feeling within them. She or he has the “magic wand” in their hands, and what first led to a revelation, and a loving feeling toward yourself as well as the other, leads gradually to a flight from yourself, as you become totally focused on the other.
Then begins a struggle with the other. You will want to possess the part of them that makes you feel so good. And the other often does the same with you, and you both become immensely confused by this tug-of-war. In this way, the highest that you can give each other eventually calls up the lowest, namely jealousy, dependency, and power struggles. This is an extremely painful fall that almost everyone has experienced in their life.
How does this fall happen? There are two parts within you. From that heart-crystal I described, there is a love in you that can see the other exactly as he or she is, and can experience the beauty that is there. From this space in your heart, you can enter into an equal and balanced connection with each other, in which you acknowledge the divine in each other and in which you also do not lose sight of the human in each other. You grant the other their pain, mistrusts, disappointments, and resistance.
But from your belly there is another energy at work, something that can be a very strong, disruptive force in infatuation. I call this energy the neglected inner child, who carries a very strong and deep pain within that goes back to that original cosmic birthing pain of leaving the Father-Mother-God oneness. This child also awakens as you fall in love, and this child has many emotions that can obscure your heart. These emotions can envelop the heart-crystal and cloud the fact that you are the source of the delight and bliss you experienced in the beginning stages of romantic love. Those feelings had to do with you and the space that you gave yourself, which was made possible by the other, but it still had to do with you.
However, the child in you, who is in pain and crying out for the attention, love, and recognition it has missed for so long, may be tempted to take a kind of stranglehold on the partner; it wants to hold on at all costs in order to get for itself what it lacks. In this way, the child and the heart-crystal can end up on two opposing sides. What at first seemed to be very beautiful, turns into a destructive relationship where you are going to fight with each other and enter into a battle that nobody wants, but that happens anyway.
At the time the magic threatens to disappear, you may become desperate. At all costs, you want to cling to your partner, because you once felt a sense of absolute love with that person. You are going to fight to hold on to them, and your oldest pains, your emotions of anger, fear of abandonment, hatred even, can come into play. It is very difficult to let go of the other person even then, because you will be driven by a reminder of how good it was when all was in harmony.
It is very important that, at this stage, you know how to let go. The moment you feel your relationship going into a downward spiral, and you are going to accuse and blame each other, is the time to step back. You can injure each other so badly, precisely because you have touched each other so deeply, and that pain is hard to heal.
So dare to take a step back when you feel that you are spinning out of control, that you are being swept away by emotions that prevent you from approaching your partner with an open heart. You may sense a deep fear of being abandoned, or just the opposite: a fear of connecting so deeply to someone that you lose yourself in it. There can be other emotions such as anger or jealousy, but what is important is that you notice how the most intense emotions are more about you than about the relationship. The relationship triggered the emotions, but they themselves stem from deeper causes.
What matters now is that you turn toward the hurt and neglected child within, who is the real cause of your emotional imbalance. Doing that is not the responsibility of your partner. And you, too, are not responsible for the inner child of your partner. Making someone else responsible for your pain and expecting them to heal it leads to enormous confusion in relationships.
So, how can you see when the relationship, which was initially a loving bond, is going wrong and is getting unbalanced? Actually, there are clear signs, and one of the ways you can find out is by symbolically doing an exercise with your inner child.
Imagine you stand opposite your partner at this moment. Or take someone who is very important for you, if you currently have no partner, and allow your inner child to stand to your left. Simply imagine yourself as a child somewhere under the age of ten, and stand with that child to your left opposite your partner. Now see how the child responds to your beloved. Look at the first reaction of that child. Ask the child: “What attracted you to him or her? What did you find so irresistible? What touched your heart, what fascinated you?” And then you ask: “How do you feel now?”
Did something happen to that original quality? Can the child still feel that love? In a healing relationship, that unique quality is still very much present. It feeds you still, warms you still, while at the same time your partner has gotten a more human form, with her or his own problems and ups and downs. However, something of that original magic is still there, and because of that magic,problems can be overcome. If you notice that the magic is absent, if your inner child actually feels unloved or treated unfairly, then there is something going on to which you need to pay attention. Take the time to discover this with your inner child.
To clarify the situation, let go of the image of the inner child, and now imagine that you stand before the partner you have chosen and look how the energy of giving and receiving flows between you. First, see what you give the other and feel it, and it does not have to be expressed in words, as long as you sense it. Look at what flows from you toward the other, and sense how you feel in this moment. Do you become more energetic because of this giving, or do you feel empty and exhausted? Is giving inspiring, or do you become depleted by it? Hold on to that first feeling.
After looking at what you give to the other, take a look at the reverse interaction. What do you receivefrom the other? Just rely on your first feeling as it comes to you. Does what you receive feel good? Does it make your heart more open? Do you feel happier about yourself as a result of what you receive? The essence of a healing relationship is that the other gives you something that creates joy in your heart.
Finally, there is another sign of a destructive relationship. From your solar plexus – a spot close to your stomach – sense a “cord” of energy that connects you with the other. If you are sensitive, maybe you can experience that cord. What you are looking for is the feeling that you need to possess the other; that you panic at the thought that the other will no longer be here; that something pulls on that cord. If you sense that, then that is essentially an energetic umbilical cord that connects you with the other, and gives you the feeling: “I need them, I cannot do without them!” That panicky feeling shows you do not operate independently, or at least you think you are not able to do without the other, and such a dependency can lead to a destructive relationship.
In a healing relationship, it is natural to miss each other if in one way or another you would be separated. It is natural to enjoy and therefore long for each other’s company. You may want the other, but you do not need the other. But in a destructive relationship, there is something malignant at work. There is a feeling that you cannot do or be without the other, that you are dependent upon them for your well-being – maybe your very life! – and this substantially weakens you. There is a deep fear of possible rejection by the other, and that makes you feel small and constricted, and the whole relationship no longer has that joyful spaciousness and freedom it had in the beginning.
Try to feel these things for yourself, calmly, in your own way. And do not be afraid to make room in the relationship to allow yourself to feel this kind of thing. Because once you find yourself in a negative spiral in a relationship, it is often necessary that the partners distance themselves from each other, physically and emotionally, in order to realize where they each stand. At such a time, it is often not useful to try to talk things out. It is necessary that your energy fields first become free from each other in order to gain sufficient space to come back to the center of your heart-crystal. Descend with your awareness inside that beautiful clear crystal that is your essence. Do not depend on others to experience that in you; it is there for you – always. It is the whisper of God you can hear in the silence.
Feel then how, from this crystal, light rays shine onto the child in you that still suffers pain and who is still seeking outside itself for acceptance and love and security. Let your light rays fall on that child, and you can literally see that the crystal light seems to anchor itself by flowing deeper and deeper down through your belly and all the way down through your legs into the Earth.
This is your light, your unique Soul Light! You are here to experience this light in a body on Earth. Your particular light is unique, it is your Angel Light, and if you remain connected with it, then you attract healing relationships in your life. You have no “need” for another. And you also have no need to make another into something “perfect”: someone who finally sees you in the perspective you desire, and who unconditionally understands and embraces you in the way you want them to.
Unconditional acceptance and love is to be found only in your own heart – by and for yourself. Do not burden another with that duty. That absolute love is something between you and your Self. This you can only give to yourself, and when you do, you will become a fountain of love for others, because you then have become completely honest and true with yourself. You love yourself, including the dark part: that child in you who struggles sometimes and is tormented.
When you love yourself, it is easier for you to see the other person in a true perspective. You no longer have to take so personally the sometimes offensive or hurtful things that she or he says or does. Their actions and reactions belong to them, and it becomes easier to not respond too emotionally to it. The other person is no longer responsible for your soul’s salvation – you are. Youare the master of your world, your reality.
You all are on this path to self-realization, and already you are touching other people with your heart-crystal: you are giving sparks of love and hope to them. I thank you for coming to Earth at this time, in this period of change and transition. I am with you and I care for you deeply. You are my brothers and sisters, and I love you.