SUCCESSFUL COMMUNICATION MEANS RECOGNIZING AND CLEARLY DEFINING “INNER” EXPECTATIONS
Greetings, precious Druthea. We are Sananda, Lord Michael and St. Germain. We come in the service of Holy God/Aton of Light and The Creation.
We will begin this day with the challenge of peeling away the “barriers” to successful communication in your “human” languages by efforting to show you how you can stretch the limitations of human language to achieve clearer and more succinct communication ability with one another.
Because “Universal Language” has no limiting “words”, it is God’s perfect language. When beings communicate in Universal language, there is no way to “lie” to yourself or another about your intent, since it is the language which utilizes pure thought from that which is “in the heart/spirit” as…feeling. So the key to more successful communication on your plane is to learn to fully understand HOW you feel about a circumstance before you. Now, emotion is defined as, “A strong surge of FEELING, as of love, hate, or fear.” So by understanding and identifying your feeling accurately, you will find that YOUR perceptions and beliefs about any given circumstance will bring up certain emotional feelings. First, you must correctly determine which emotion you actually do feel. For example, when you correctly determine that you are afraid, then you must determine WHY you are afraid in order for you to successfully resolve it. Fear is a feeling one has generally when he feels threatened in some way. Every emotion is SHOWING you something… a lesson to be understood, or a sustaining need we all have, such as absolute/unconditional LOVE. For example, when you are touched by some act or behavior done for you or another in kindness which absolute love expresses, you feel JOY and UNITY.
On the other hand, when you are angry or hurt about something someone said or did “to” you and you fail to identify ACTUALLY WHY you feel this way, then you will be unable to communicate effectively to “clarify” what may perhaps be a misperception on your part. Then most often, unresolved anger and hurt will actually propel you to respond in a variety of “punishing” behaviors directed toward self, the other who you perceived caused you pain, ALL others with whom you come in contact, or all of the above. One of the common ways ones respond irresponsibly, which we discussed previously, is through “passive-resistant” behavior, in which one is afraid or simply unwilling to confront the person honestly about his anger and/or hurt feelings and therefore seeks indirect ways to punish the perceived perpetrator against him. Others of you ones respond most directly in your anger and hurt to the perceived perpetrator, and then, of course, when ones begin arguing about WHO is RIGHT and WHO is WRONG, nothing is solved, and resentment begins to establish itself most firmly, especially when ones stubbornly refuse to search the common ground of cause which allows self-understanding of MUTUAL responsibility of the circumstance. When mutual understanding of each “point of perception” is accomplished for each, then a satisfying resolution, which recognizes joint responsibility of forgiveness and release of the “error”, can be reached. Of course, both must wish to resolve the issue between them, for if one’s objective is to deny responsibility and continue to blame and punish, then THEY must deal with what is now their PROBLEM on their own. The others must stand firm with integrity to not allow themselves to be PULLED down or into an emotional drama of one who is unwilling to reasonably resolve their problem.
Now, feeling anger and hurt is definitely a most uncomfortable place to be, in that one will feel isolated, separated and rejected, and so his “altered” ego will urge him to cast blame outside of self. Many of you have most likely heard the saying or even have personally felt like it, “It is ME against the World”. It is not a comfortable feeling to feel unsupported and “victimized” and so it is up to YOU to learn to set aside “Altered” Ego perceptions so that you can successfully uncover HOW you have contributed to the cause of this “victim” self-separation and/or misunderstanding with another.
One of the challenges you ones have in your interrelationships is responsible communication. In order to communicate responsibly, YOU each must become acutely in touch with WHY you feel these “negative” emotions, such as fear, anger, jealousy and resentment. For example, many of you ones often use “sarcastic humor” to state your true feelings, let off “steam” and yet still “hide” the feelings. Many of your so-called comedians have successfully used cutting, sarcastic and sardonic jokes to tell the world or even particular others HOW they really feel about them…and then, of course, they call it humor. They behave as if it’s okay to call it a “joke” because they assume it is less painful to the ones the sarcasm is directed, only deep inside, THEY KNOW IT IS NOT LESS PAINFULL AT ALL. Ones who USE sarcasm in their communication, whether it be comedians or not, must recognize they most often harbor intense feelings of unresolved anger and/or unworthiness and they desire to feel superior by causing pain, somewhat indirectly by calling it “humor”, to others because of these intense unresolved FEELINGS within.
Let’s give you ones a common example of how many of you USE what you call “humor” to express inner hurt and/or superiority/unworthiness. We have often heard you ones make a sarcastic (An ironical or scornful utterance; contemptuous and taunting language) remark, such as, “When God said brains, you thought He said trains, so that’s why you have no brains“, and then you’ll say, “No, Just Kidding“...ha ha ha. We have heard so many unkind things said by you ones to each other, and then, “No, I’m just kidding“. Sorry, chelas, MOSTLY YOU ARE NOT “JUST” KIDDING in these circumstances. This is most often a “dig” and usually falls under “passive-resistant” behavior. You have a wondrous cliché in this regard, “Many a TRUTH is said in jest“. So be it.
Now we will discuss expectations, to expect defined as, “1. To look forward to as a certain or probable. 2. To look for as right, proper or necessary. 3. Informal To presume; suppose.”
All of you have expectations, whether you completely understand what they are or not. Of course, for successful communication in your interrelationships, being CLEAR yourself about what are your expectations within any given relationship and/or situation is essential. Now there are what can be termed “reasonable” or “realistic” expectations as well as “unreasonable” and “unrealistic” expectations. For example, there is certainly nothing “wrong” with looking forward to being justly treated, or to making a successful speech. Those are reasonable expectations for one who treats others justly, and one who prepares properly for his speech. But to expect that others will behave AS YOU would in any given circumstance is most unrealistic. All will behave according to their own inner integrity, or lack thereof, or they will behave according to the dictates of their own individual personality, which may certainly be correct for them, only perhaps not YOUR way. In order to successfully interrelate in harmony and balance, ALL expectations must be acknowledges openly, so that all expectations which are determined reasonable be defined clearly for all. In this way the integrity of your defined common expectations and objectives, such as work objectives, will not be compromised because of unresolved emotions, unrealistic expectations or other allowed misunderstandings.
There are many kinds of what would be termed “social” expectations, such as saying, “Thank you” when someone does something nice for you or serves you in some way. In most all situations, gratitude expressed to another is most reasonable and certainly appreciated, chelas. When you ones GIVE something to another, whether it be a physical gift or something intangible such as friendship, love and support, what Do you expect in return? You are not honest with yourselves, chelas, if you tell yourselves, “I expect nothing.” Because even when you extend YOUR hand in sincere love, kindness and friendship, YOU expect the one you give to to LIKE you and feel connected to you in return. You want to be a part of their life by letting them know YOU appreciate and support them. YOU enjoy the inner “rewards” of giving which makes someone feel good and appreciated. If the receiver is ungracious to you, face it chelas, you are disappointed and often saddened.
Let us give another example of expectations. When you personally make your commitment to serve GOD, what do you expect in return for your service? Well, certainly a “reasonable” expectation is that you expect to be guided and sustained, to be protected and fulfilled within your service, do you not? Or what do YOU expect? Do you expect that you need not be responsible for your own behavior? Do you expect your life to be “problem free” and your lessons easier? Do you expect to be more special than your other brothers and sisters? Do you “bargain” with God: you’ll give this, IF he gives that? We are asking you to really be HONEST with yourselves, chelas, because your “unreasonable” expectations are NEVER met and so it is best to uncover them NOW so that you can find the true PEACE, JOY and BALANCE in your service to God, which reasonable expectations provide for you.
Now, we would like you ones to clearly think about what are your expectations when and if you decide to make your home in Tehachapi? Do you expect spiritual perfection of the ones already committed in service? Do you expect “social” fun and entertainment from Dharma, Oberli, Hatonn, George and Desiree’, and the others here? Do you expect the businesses created by these ones to financially support you, now or in the future? WHY do you wish to be here? To be closer to God, perhaps? Remember, YOU are the temple for God. Do you recognize a purpose for you, perhaps, a way to serve GOD where you are able and willing to do so? Do you expect Hatonn to tell you what you must do as your service to GOD? Do you KNOW what your service is? For we will tell you, as has our beloved brother Hatonn, that Tehachapi is a place to work, of commitment of service to GOD/ATON Our Father, to assist the growth, transition and cleansing of a sick/unbalanced humanity and this beloved planet, Shan. We have a job, and YOU ones who chose to serve God are the hands and feet of HIS Brotherhood of LIGHT. The road is often most painful and precarious for you beloved ones of GOD’s service, most especially emotionally, until you ones learn to detach from others’ often cruel rejection of you and their unwillingness to SEE the truth. God only asks that YOU do your job to the best of your ability. Do you expect that you WILL? Ponder these things, chelas, for in confronting self-expectations in responsibility, you will unlock that door to the inner peace and fulfillment which has often eluded most of you in your “past” experiences.
Now we will discuss a very prominent barrier to successful communication within your interrelationships, and that is TRUTH, defined as, “1. Confident reliance on the integrity, honesty or justice of another; faith. 2. Something committed to one’s care; a charge or responsibility.”
Trust is a most delicate subject in that most all of you have either breached a trust and/or been the “victim” or a breach of trust by others. So as a result, most of you find it difficult to establish complete trust and faith in others whom your share experience with. First of all, many of you now recognize that you, as “common people”, have blindly trusted your government leaders and many of THEM have breached YOUR trust by lying and deceiving you for their own selfish means. So it stands to reason that you NOT give trust blindly or freely to other HUMAN beings until you KNOW of their integrity and intent. For example, DO YOU DESERVE to be trusted? Are you able to keep the private matters of another who trusts you with sharing them with you, to yourself? Do you respect the privacy of others? Or are you always looking over the fence of others to see what they are doing, which is NONE of your business unless it is harmful to you or impacts you in some way that is not reasonable. Many of you have a very dangerous “habit” of gossiping about and then you wonder WHY you are NOT trusted by others. This is why it is most important that for trust to develop, ones must clearly define what matters are privately shared and a shared commitment of responsible communication is adopted by both or all parties, so that any possible misunderstandings can be ironed out quickly and completely. In true dedicated friendship and the commitment thereof, ones always have the shared objective of achieving mutual trust, support, loyalty and understanding, especially when differences come up for them to manage together.
There is really little else more painful and disappointing than for one of you, who possesses honest integrity within, to establish and nurture a friendship, give your love, loyalty and trust to another and then find that they do not honor and trust you enough to speak honestly to you about their true feelings and instead they spite you behind your back, or even more disheartening, that they have actually USED you for their own selfish means such as to gain money, prestige, sexual conquest or power and NEVER really thought of you as a cherished friend. How many of you now can say that you have trouble trusting others because you have allowed yourself to be USED by choosing the “wrong” person to develop friendship with because they did not have the same degree of commitment to your friendship as did you? This breach of trust occurs often in so-called “Love” relationships and marriages, often after the “lustful” feelings taper off.
So by now you may be contemplating, HOW do you properly solve a perceived “error” or misunderstanding with integrity with one whom you claim as your friend? First of all, you need to acknowledge your feelings, if they be anger, hurt, frustration or whatever, and then you must set up a time to privately and personally talk to the person you have the problem with. Now you must be very careful how you approach the person, since they may not have any idea of what your problem is or their connection with it. Tell them how you’re feeling, “I feel hurt and upset because I wasn’t invited to your family dinner, perhaps I have misunderstood or misinterpreted something, so will you help me to understand your position so that we can resolve this together?” In this way, you have not placed any blame and you have shown that you value the other person by asking them to assist the resolution of what may be simply your own misunderstanding or over-sensitivity, or it may actually be something more than you have understood, from your friend’s point of perception, perhaps that this one was irritated with you about something you did, or he just simply felt it was not necessary for you to be there at that time.
Now, in business, there are MANY expectations which ones have about operating their business with integrity. For example, when you purchase a product by phone or mail, do you not EXPECT to receive it within a reasonable time-frame and in good condition? Many things can happen between the time you order and when you (hopefully) receive your order. Many business owners want to keep your business by insuring customer satisfaction, so they have a policy of “The customer is always right.” Well, that is not necessarily true, is it? What about ones who purchase items, such as books, from you on agreed upon terms, such as 10 days or 30 days,–DO you not expect them to pay you in full within that time frame? Interestingly enough, MANY businesses, even when given and they have agreed to 30 day payment terms, have a policy that THEY do not pay before 60 or even 90 days. Is this operating business with integrity? So it has become not reasonable within your current business society to TRUST ones, especially NEW customers, to pay you for products they purchase. Yet many retail business-persons become indignant when asked to pre-pay for their purchase and often will simply not buy, unless THEY need the items perhaps to fill a special order for one of their customers. And why do many book-stores, for example, balk when asked to pre-pay? Because they do not know whether or not the books will sell within a 30-day time-frame and “need” the time to return the funds from actual sales to the publisher or distributor. Now America West, for example, has perhaps a little over a dozen of their total “open” resale accounts who are responsible and really do pay in full within the agreed-upon time-frame. The rest do not honor their agreement with America West and several have NEVER paid their balance, so because of this, America West, in order to continue to pay its printing and overhead expenses now ASKS all new resale accounts to pre-pay with no MINIMUM order required and NO returns allowed. Do you blame them? It is interesting to note that many book-stores and distributors expect to be able to RETURN unsold books, as well as, take 30 days to 6 months to pay for them. So then, of course, the RISK of loss is entirely in the publishers hands. So you ponder this, chelas, IS that reasonable?
Now, how many of you have or know someone who has purchased something, say from a department store, and then a year later ask to RETURN it? How many of you have or know someone who has purchased an expensive dress, for a special occasion, and after wearing it, they return it? This is very common, even with middle class and upper middle class women who are in the “social” set and can “afford” to pay for the dress. Well, many department stores have “caught on” to this practice and now DO NOT ALLOW returns for certain dressy attire. Do you understand, chelas, what we are efforting to show you here? Many ones simply do not behave with integrity, and it has become ACCEPTABLE to many ones to behave this way! Many simply do not KNOW better and even brag about HOW they take advantage of businesses. So ones who do wish to operate with integrity and responsibility must EXPECT a degree of dishonesty from a percentage of business customers. Many businesses have a special term for this expected percentage of loss, theft and damaged products; they call it normal shrinkage. The results, if shrinkage become unreasonable, are often higher prices to the customer, if the business wishes to stay in business. How sad it is that so many have become slaves to this beast of selfish deception and deceit. However, you will find, precious chelas, that as you align yourself in service to GOD, your conscience will not allow you to get away with any sort of unbalanced behavior, without some careful and often difficult contemplation of the consequences thereof. So be it.
Thank you, precious chelas, for your attention. Druthea, you are most blessed in your loving and giving service unto Our Father. Thank you, precious little sister of ours. We are Sananda, Lord Michael and St. Germain. We come in the service of Holy God/Aton of Light and The Creation. May you walk in the peace which true knowledge and understanding brings.
Source: PHOENIX JOURNAL EXPRESS, May 1991, Volume 13, Number 8, Pages 3-5.
Transcribed into HTML format by R. Montana.